camera in my clavicle

hurts
not physically
but still there
like a memory
faded
distant
closing my eyes doesn't help
because I can feel the earth spinning
and time
shoving past me
it makes
the hurt
worse

I
have known
the round and round
of what it is
to live
and
can't
stand it
so many things yet to do
and so long yet to go
foolish wishes whispered
into an empty heart
makes a hollow howl

reach
out for the fingers
that will end it all
though I am scared
he breathes
moist and rank
I feel it
but he
will not take me
yet
turning once about the room
he leaves
the future opens like a red door

tick
so cold
tick tock
a need to feed
head swelling
heart pumping
dead body twitches
slumps
drags itself
tick tock
patchwork ears and gears and fears
stay away, stay away
don't touch me

where
is the light?
squinting
can't see
where did it go?
burned impression on my lids
I want to go back in
two arms reach
one will drag me back
and devour
one will pick me up
and bring me home
to the house He built for me.